Rarely do I write personal things on my blog…so this is long overdue.
Over the past couple of months I have felt the Lord trying to move in my life. If you know me you know that it’s hard for me to just BE STILL and listen to what, how or where the Lord is trying to move in my life. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem physically being still, I have a problem mentally being still.
I think since I was old enough for my mind to race it has. It’s like I’ve been running a mental marathon for most of my life. I’m sure many of you can relate but for those of you who can’t a typical mile goes something like this…”what if I’m not good enough, what if I fail, what if something happens to Adam, and on the worst days what if I’m dying.”
A few days ago I decided I need to give this to God. It’s no fun living your life in fear and self doubt, not to mention how hard it is to listen to the Lord when your mind just simply doesn’t rest. I know that He is trying to tell me somethig I just have not idea what it could be. So all this bing said these next few weeks this will be my focus.
It’s so hard for me to speak out, I mean I have avoided this blog like the plague and looked at this paper I wrote a good million times over the past 2 weeks avoiding this day. I feel like I’m going to be judged or looked down upon. I know I have friends out there who will see this and pray for me and with me so it’s important that I do this. It’s so much easier to put on a front than to show your true feelings.
No matter how hard life can be I always know that I have the Lord. He has helped me through the hardest of times and I know he will help me now. Adam and I have been blessed in so many ways of the past couple of years, more than I can count. We have a wonderful church with a wonderful pastor and his wife who truly care about us and our lives, amazing families and friends. I’ll keep you guys posted in my journey.
